Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Slingshots and Other Such Nonsense

Not having a Dad messes you up more than you know. For me, the reality of everything never really set in until this year. I was hurt, but now the definition of "pain" has taken on a whole new meaning. It's no longer just the aching sense of abandonment felt within, but a controlling impetus that threatens to effect nearly every area of my life. Christians are so great at saying "I'll pray for you" or "give it to God." But many of them don't know how hard it is to hear those words. Because many of them really don't understand the pain.

My way of dealing with things is shoving them on the back-burner until I have the time and energy to deal with it. In my own little sphere, I figure that I can take charge of the situation on my own time, when I feel comfortable and ready. Unfortunately, that's not always what happens. I end up pushing it away so much that it comes back with vengeance. The mental picture I have in my head is one of a sling shot - the further you pull it back, the more force it will use when propelling a whole new set of life circumstances headed straight at the target. The target being, quite often, emotions and feelings that I thought I could control.

I suppose my new challenge for myself is dealing with the blows as they come, instead of letting them all build up inside of me. Instead of carrying the weight of a million different things, as Pilgrim did in Pilgrim's progress, I should be laying them down at the foot of the cross each time... So that I'm only carrying 5 pounds instead of the 500 ton load I chose to ignore. Christ is open and ready to receive my hurt . . . I just have to trust Him.

To all you young ladies out there who can't trust. . . I understand. I know what it's like to have virtually every man in your life - Dad, friends, mentors. . . walk out on you, time and time again. Know that it's OK to have a breakdown every once in a while . . . and that God will put your heart back together, time and time again. He is faithful, even when fathers are not. He is faithful, even when best friends are not. He will never change, like so many people in life do.

He is steadfast . . . While so many people are not. Give your heart and trust to Him - and know that He will bring people into your life someday who will care more about you than they do themselves. I see the Lord doing that in my own life, and I trust Him completely to continue the work He has started.

Pardon my rant. I suppose I've been a bit non-sensical at times, but hey, this is my blog, and I reserve the right to not make any sense. ;) I guess the point I'm trying to make is: Go have a breakdown. It's good for you. And then begin laying your burden down at the cross every time something happens, or you feel down. Every single time. Even if that means you're at the foot of the cross on an hourly basis. Don't let the burdens pile up. Christ is the definition of peace and rest.

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