Saturday, November 27, 2010

A Bouncy Heart.

How many fractures can a heart have before it completely shatters? That's my question. And I want to know what you think about it. Comment, or email me ... but I really would like to know my readers thoughts. Because yes, my heart has suffered another fracture, and I'm wondering ... hmm. How long will it be until I break?

There are so many times I wish I could have a heart that was numb to the pain. I think that's where I'm fast approaching, too. My circumstances have taught me to have a sort of "bouncy heart"; one that can rebound from any hurt rather quickly. I'm not there yet, every time I "bounce" I still feel the pain - but maybe that's why. I need to build up my ability to rebound. Honestly, I really don't know. I could be completely off the mark.

The reason I created this blog was to be an encouragement to others in the midst of my storm ... but right now I'm finding it hard to do that, when it seems like I'm doing all I can just to protect my own heart against the attacks of the enemy. In all honesty, folks - Satan's been after me these past couple weeks, and that's why I had to take a break from blogging. Another one of his burning arrows hit me in the heart, and I've been trying to figure out how to remove it without shattering altogether. Thankfully, I think I'm on the mend ... but the question still remains. How much more of this can I take?

Lots of Christians out there who have never experienced true hardship say to me "be strong in the Lord, you can do anything!" But it's so much easier to say then to do. I find myself questioning Him, even when I know He has my best interest in mind.

I know all this has to be happening for a reason. If I've learned anything through my experiences over the past year, that should be it. But at the same time a part of me screams, "haven't I been through enough??"

The past couple weeks have been hard for me because I was wounded by those who I thought were like fathers to me. During a time where my biological father is so far from the Lord and lost, I relied heavily on the families who came around my Mom, sister and I as we're [still] recovering from the shock of things. I confided and trusted in families who are now ... gone. What I told to them confidentially has now been used against me. I'm not sure what started everything, but all I know is that I'm left even more bruised and battered than before.
I've already had one Dad leave me . . . it's hard to feel that twice.

It makes me want to give up on the male species altogether. :p Seriously, who can you trust? If I could have them learn one thing, just one thing ... It would be to never make promises they can't keep. Because I fall for it every time. The remarkable thing that God has worked through all this is that he has kept me an extremely trusting person regardless of what I've been through. If you tell me you're always there for me, I never doubt it for a second, no matter how many times I've been hurt. I wonder why it's so hard for them to keep that promise.
Any guys out there wish to enlighten me?

The consequence of trusting is that I get slapped... again and again. Yet I know that life without trust is lonely and sad... So I'm willing to endure the pain. Maybe one day I'll truly have a "bouncy heart." I trust in Christ who was once a carpenter to put my heart back together ... again.


Sunday, November 14, 2010

Break Time

Hello, readers!
I'm taking a little hiatus from blogging for a while. If you don't see me post anything new for a little while, don't worry - I haven't died.

But some pretty big blows have happened in the past week and I'd ask that you'd keep my family in your prayers. I hope to return to writing fairly soon.

Times are tough, but God is always good.

~Lauren Lee

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

God, didn't you get my text?

Many of my best friends are pretty far away. When I lived in Maryland, I developed friendships with people who I never see anymore, now that I'm in California. Thanks to modern technology, I still get to talk to them all the time. They're still just a text, email, skype message, or phone call away. When I'm really missing them bad, I call them up and talk to them. Communication never seems to really be a problem in our long distance relationships.

Don't you wish it were that way with God?
It's hard, when you love somebody so much, not to see their face. It's hard to feel like their not there, not listening, and not interested. I can't send an email to and hope that He replies soon. I can't dial up 1-800-angel-support and get my Father on the phone. And I'm not so sure He's into Skype video chats, either. I remember when I was little, I wrote God a letter. I never got a letter back - so I guessed Heaven had moved and changed it's address.

It's really hard not to see Him, and not to tangibly have an affirmation of his presence. It's would be like a friend who never returned any of your messages. It would get so discouraging!

Once discouragement sets in, then comes doubt. Once there's doubt, Satan has drawn you to the point of questioning your salvation. This is all of the devil. "God is light, and in Him is NO darkness, at all" (1 John 1:5).

I remember not having gone to the Lord in prayer for several days. When I went back to him, I felt alone. I felt abandoned. I was discouraged. Why?

The story of Nehemaiah chapter 4 explains, by giving the example of Jerusalem's wall. When God's people started to rebuild it, opposition quickly arose.

"So we rebuilt the wall till all of it reached half its height, for the people worked with all their heart.

7 But when Sanballat, Tobiah, the Arabs, the Ammonites and the men of Ashdod heard that the repairs to Jerusalem's walls had gone ahead and that the gaps were being closed, they were very angry. 8 They all plotted together to come and fight against Jerusalem and stir up trouble against it. 9

This is how Satan is. When we try to follow Christ, he will get angry and try to deter our efforts. Yet, we cannot give up hope! We have to fight for what we believe in:

After I looked things over, I stood up and said to the nobles, the officials and the rest of the people, "Don't be afraid of them. Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome, and fight for your brothers, your sons and your daughters, your wives and your homes."When our enemies heard that we were aware of their plot and that God had frustrated it, we all returned to the wall, each to his own work.

The reason I felt far from God was because Satan was trying to break down my wall! He saw that I was trying to rebuild what I had so terribly neglected . . . and he was determined to sow seeds of doubt in my mind. Did it work?

Not really. This Nehemiah passage reminded me that Satan was on the attack, and I had no choice but to stand firm and defend my wall.

As a girl who doesn't have a Dad anymore, it's hard to not be able to call your heavenly father and hear him on the other side of the line. Every girl wants a father to be able to go to, and get advice from . . . Sometimes, I just feel overcome with the strongest desire to see Him. How is it possible that I've never met this Father of mine, and yet he has brought me such joy, comfort, and peace?? I can't wait for the day when we can have a conversation, face to face.

Keep goin, girls. :) Don't let Satan distract you - don't let him tear your wall down, again. Those who earnestly seek the Lord will find a reward in His presence. And what a great reward it is! Don't be discouraged. Remember that there is no blessing that compares with the intimacy found in Christ.

~Lauren Lee

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Forever and Ever, Amen

It's hard for me to think of the bygone days, once filled with laughter, love, and hope. When days seemed so carefree, and happy. I'm grateful for where I'm at now, but in wake of a broken heart, I can't help but to remember.

A beautiful memory can be a joy . . . unfortunately, it can also be an aching wound that starts throbbing again when it's revisited with my oh-so-helpless nostalgia, fueled by nasty powers of recall. The most painful things in life are the blissful things in life, no longer obtained. The most hurtful moments of all are the happy moments, that seem to have disappeared. The most broken hearts, come from the most wholesome and innocent hearts.

I think I have a problem.
A problem of not being able to get over things. Of not being able to get over... people. There's this thing in me called loyalty that seems to have taken over my soul to such an extent that this naturally "good" characteristic has now turned bad. My loyalty has turned into something destructive to my heart.

There's a song ... a song that my sister and mom turn up the volume for every time it plays on the radio. "Forever and ever, forever and ever ... forever and ever, Amen," ring the lyrics. That is unfortunately my state of mind.

Once I give my heart, and my friendship, and my all, to someone, I expect my heart to be taken care of. I expect them to treat it right. I expect . . . and sometimes I get really, really hurt.
When that happens, it's hard for me to recover. I can't seem to. . . get over it.

The truth is that in order to love, we have to extend our precious hearts out into a vast and scary world, exposed to all it's dangers and perils. We risk it getting hurt, getting bruised, and even letting it get completely broken. We're throwing ourselves out into unknown territory, saying, "bring it on!" When in reality, we can't fathom what we're inviting.

I've learned that that's a risk I have to take.

People aren't perfect. They sin. They hurt you. They beat you up. They chew you, and spit you out again. I've been really hurt, lately. Really, really bruised. It seems like whenever I extend my heart, sure enough, I get slapped. I remember back to the times when I was whole and complete - and yearn for those days of blithe existence.

The problem with this is that it's not a one time deal. It's not that I lost one person in my life, and so I'm sad and writing a blog about it to spill my woes to my unfortunate readers.
No . . .
it's that I've lost many, many people in my life (........and spilling my woes to my unfortunate readers.). :P

The good thing is that I'm telling all this to you, with a point in mind. Here's the point.

Satisfaction must always be found in Christ . . . always always. Because people will fail you. People will let you down. People will promise to take care of your heart, and then shatter it the first chance they get. Christ takes your heart, he mends it, he puts it away in a safe, locked, vault - and protects it forever. No one can get to it, when it's safe in his care.

I'd rather have my heart be protected by him any day, than try to build those walls around my heart, myself.

So, I can sit here in my window seat, and pine away about what used to be. I can mope and sob and cry to my mother (my poor mother... yes, she's heard a lot from me lately. :P ) and wish for the days where my broken heart was whole, and my relationship with so and so wasn't torn apart, and the world was a dandy place of unicorns and flowers and rainbows and waffles. Yes, there is a time for mourning, and a time for grief . . . But I have to get over it. I need to respond to the Spirit of God, whispering quietly in my ear, asking for surrender. Why not give HIM my heart, instead of putting unrealistic expectations on sinful mankind?

It's only Christ who will love me, "forever and ever."


~Lauren Lee

Sunday, October 3, 2010

This Is Gonna Hurt.

I know you've probably heard a billion other somewhat-christian books out there telling young women that "You're beautiful! Embrace your inner loveliness! Be the person you were created to be!" blah blah blah ect. But let me tell you flat out - that's not what I'm going to reiterate to you. I believe that messages like that are flawed and deceitful.

I'm here to tell you something that might hurt ... It hurt me, at first.
In and of ourselves, we are completely and utterly worthless.
To put it in other words, your ego is not your amigo. :P (Right, Mrs. Montoya??)

Understandably, this message is not very well received in our culture. Us ladies all like to feel like we have purpose, beauty, and uniqueness, deep down inside our lovely little selves. Yes? Yes. Admit it.

Scripture tells us that such a mindset is completely wrong. Without Christ, we are completely devoid of beauty - because He IS beauty. With Christ - yes, we have beauty - but it's not ours.

In fact, if you're a Christian, then everything that's yours is Christs. Ian Thomas puts it this way: "The Christian life can be explained only in terms of Jesus Christ, and if your life as a Christian can still be explained in terms of you - your personality, your will power, your gift, your talent, your money, your courage, your scholarship, your dedication, your sacrifice, or your anything - then although you may have the Christian life, you are not yet living it."

The most beautiful picture of Christ making us girls beautiful is found in Ezekiel 16, where Jerusalem is being described in terms of "her" relationship with her husband, God himself.

"On the day of your birth, your cord was not cut, nor were you washed with water to cleanse you, nor rubbed with salt, nor wrapped in swaddling cloths. No eye pitied you, to do any of these things to you out of compassion for you, and you were cast out into the open field - for you were abhorred, on that day when you were born."

That's a nicer way of saying, "Aaaand .... as for the day of your birth, well. You were a pretty gross little thing . . ."

"But when I passed by you, and saw you wallowing in your own blood (EW!), I said "Live!" I made you flourish like a plant of the field. . . . I adorned you with ornaments and put bracelets on your wrists and a chain on your neck. And I put a ring on your nose and and earings in your ears and a crown on your head.

". . . So I saw this ugly baby and I was like, hey! The poor thing! I should do something about that. . . so I took it home with me."

... You were adorned with gold and silver, and your clothing was of fine linen and silk and embroidered cloth. You ate fine flour and honey and oil. You grew exceedingly beautiful and advanced to royalty.

"Growing up, I gave you designer clothes and really yummy food. You had the best of everything. People thought you were royalty because you looked so pretty. uh huh."

And your renown went forth among the nations because of your beauty, for it was perfect through the splendor that I had bestowed on you, declares the Lord God."

I'm not even sure this one needs an interpretation. I'll just say this: Megan Fox, biblical version.

So. Now that we've read that little story, we know that before we knew Christ, we were hopeless.
To those people out there who keep telling you how beautiful you are deep deep inside: Does wallowing in your own blood sound beautiful to you? Maybe our culture's standards of beauty aren't that high, after all. Yuck. The point is that we were born ugly. We were born sinful. Because of our Savior's love, he has raised us up as Princesses in His kingdom, to be true royalty.

I can truly say, I am beautiful. I am beautiful because of how Christ has transformed my ugly heart into something brand new. What security is found, in knowing that! I don't have to be worried about meeting a bunch of physical requirements (although. it is nice to try to look good. :P different topic for a different time . . . ) our culture puts on us.

"It is a tremendous freedom to get rid of all self-consideration and learn to care about only one thing - the relationship between Christ and ourselves." ~Oswald Chambers.


It's so nice to know that I'm thought of as "beautiful" by the only one I really care about. Isn't it?!

~Lauren Lee

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Nature Girl

Personally, I don't really think my obsession with animals and plants requires a nickname. I'm fine just with "Lauren." ;) But, today, as I was explaining the components of a certain kind of plant to my sister, I think she got a little ... fed up with my adoration for botany.

*Tay Rolls her eyes.*
"You're such a NATURE GIRL."


But I have to say I am. I'm so in love with God's creation. If you just think about the complexity of ... anything - a tree, the oceans, even the air .... Did you know there's 20,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 particles in every breath we take?? Yeah! I'm always amazed by stuff like that.

What nature do YOU have, surrounding you? It doesn't matter if you live on a farm, near a lake, or in the city ... God's fingerprint is all around, reminding us that He's the reason we're here. He created us all. And he didn't create us to be stick figures .... he delicately and carefully made everything in creation to be extremely detailed and precise.

Time to go to bed. I have chemistry class at 8 in the morning. ;)
Signing off ...

~Lauren Lee
Nature Girl

Monday, September 13, 2010

A Note For the Overwhelmed

Do you need to hear this, today?
I did.

"Seeing that a Pilot steers the ship in which we sail, who will never allow us to perish even in the midst of shipwrecks, there is no reason why our minds should be overwhelmed with fear and overcome with weariness."
~John Calvin

I'm so glad my life isn't in my own hands. It's one thing to know - it's another to believe. Once you believe it - there is such relief.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Behind This Evil Wall

I cannot say how deeply moved I was by this poem. Not long after I wrote my last post, "scared to love", my friend Kristie posted this original work on her blog. It is a beautiful rendition of what I tried so hard to articulate.

If you haven't read my last post, go ahead and do so - I think it will help all this make sense. :)

As I read her poem, I suddenly felt ... a deeper understanding of that strange darkness, which has surreptitiously made it's way into my heart. I've built a wall - and I haven't even realized it. I don't want to be hurt, so I'm blocking out everything.

This poem really helped me realize that "safety is only perception" when you try to build your own wall - and the consequences of where that leads. Although I'm sure I do not feel the depth of despair shown in this poem, it definitely helps illustrate what I mean.

Thank you, Kristie!

My mind is a prison
In which I live
I can’t get out and no one can get in
Thick cold walls keep me contained
Inside my mind where there is only pain
I have worked night and day for years and years
To build this wall and success has come,
With a cost I could not have fathomed

With thick cold walls
Blocking out the light
In my mind it is always night
Darkness reins inside my mind
Where the thoughts race like light
Trying to escape the wall trying in vain to penetrate
The wall built so carefully in my brain

I will not be hurt ever again
This giant wall keeps everything in
Nothing can get in or out of my brain
My mind is fragile, so brick by brick
I built the wall to keep me safe
But once inside, I realized safety is only perception
Danger was programmed inside before my inception

Confined within my mind I am blind
My tears go unnoticed, without a trace
They are inward tears from trying to race
Against time and people who want me to hurt
Now I am within feeling numb and alone

Please take a boulder to break this stone
I have built around me and I need to be free
Something frightening is clawing inside of me ...

Find Kristie's poems at her blog, "Just Me":

Friday, September 10, 2010

Scared To Love

Hello, world. I'm back. :) After an extended vacation ... not really of my own choice, though. So many things started happening in my life, that I couldn't really take the time to sit down and blog. So, forgive me. Hopefully though, I won't have to take any more "breaks".

Today I am talking about a very sore spot. And ya'll get to hear about it. :) Sometimes, I think I should've started this blog as an anonymous writer, haha ... that way, I could REALLY say anything I wanted. But no, my name, Lauren Lee, is right there for the world to see. And, that would kind of defeat the purpose of this blog entry, anyway. To write anonymously would be to hide.

And yes, I would be ok with that. I like to hide ... it's what I do.
There will be people who read this and judge. And, that's fine. I can't control what people think. But. Quite frankly, you do it to. We all do. People hide in all sorts of ways ... they'll hide their sin, their viewpoints, their hearts. They hide who they truly are.

The way that I hide: I refuse to love.
This summer, somehow, I've .... forgotten how to love.

There's nothing more that I like than to be alone. I've learned to really dislike the world, these past couple years. With all that's happened with my dad, my church, a person I loved, some of my best friends ... I hide my heart. I don't want to get hurt again. So I distance myself from people that I love, because I'm suddenly afraid that they'll disappear. It's selfish, but hey. I've been burned too many times - I'm not going to put my hand in that fire again.

Am I alone in this? People? Talk to me.

Please don't get me wrong, I enjoy people. Ask any of my friends and they'll tell you I'm a crazy extroverted social butterfly. I love making people smile, making them laugh, and bringing fun to their lives. I like being there for people when they're going through something tough, because I know how it is.

But, every time we go through "that fire"; An abusive dad, a bad childhood, a broken heart, a death of someone dear, ect., we get burned. And suddenly, our entire life perspectives are changed. Everything is suddenly about protecting that wound.
Should it be?

No. It shouldn't.
"It", meaning, "your life", needs to be about Christ.
And that's part of the reason I'm blogging about this. I need to EXPOSE where my wound is, and not hide it anymore.
This is where I am.

Now you know.

The devil is at work in my heart, I think. He works through suffering, just like God can work through suffering. He can sneak his little self into a situation and turn around your life's purpose - deflect it from Christ onto YOUR feelings and YOUR heart. Protecting YOURSELF. I'll admit - the Devil's got a foothold on me, right now.

And it's darn scary.

No one can save mankind from his grasp except the one thing more powerful than him in this universe - God's love.

So I cry out to Him asking him to heal this wound. Take it away, Father. Wrap me in your arms and tell me ....

It's ok to love. Don't be afraid.... So what if you get burned? This world won't last forever. You're heaven bound, girlfriend.

Take that risk, and love again.

~Lauren Lee

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Lofty Glances From Lofty People

A couple days ago, I watched this music video by Casting Crowns. It literally made me cry. It's called "Does Anybody Hear Her" . . . and I felt like "Her" was me, about a year ago. Take a minute to watch it:

She's shunned at home, by her father. She's looking everywhere else, for that lack of fulfillment. She hurts herself in the process, as she's finding love in all the wrong places. When she goes to church, weak and defeated, she's met with "lofty glances from lofty people." No one reached out to her. The whispers all around her seem so hypocritical, as she's only looking for help, and she's heard that it is the place to find rest.

The description above fit me perfectly.
I was shunned at home, by my father. I looked everywhere else, for that lack of fulfillment. I hurt myself in the process, because I found love in all the wrong places. When I went to church, weak and defeated, I was met with "lofty glances from lofty people." No one reached out to me. The whispers all around me seemed so hypocritical, because I was looking for help, and I heard that church was the place to find rest.

If I could speak, and be heard, by the modern american church . . . I would say this.
Christianity is not about the institution.
It's about the heart.

The entire Bible testifies to this, but specifically, the book of 1 John. I've been taking time to really study chapters 3 and 4, which focus on the heart of Christianity - God's love.

1 John 3:16 - By this we know love, because he laid down his life for us. And we also ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.

All those who profess to be Christians know of the sacrifice made for our sins. A perfect and holy God loves us enough to send his son to die in our place. Christ experienced God's wrath so we wouldn't have to. This is love! So, to the modern church . . . Is it that hard to reach out to those who are suffering? It's not like you're being asked to die on a cross or anything. Don't you realize the love you've been given? The same love that you preach about, every Sunday?

It's safe to say that all of us fail to walk the talk. We're all hypocrites in some sense, if we're being perfectly honest with ourselves. But to preach love, and yet - not show love, is shaking a fist in the face of our Father above.

1 John 3:18 - My little children, let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth.

It's really tough to be judged. It really hurts, too. Because I've been there, I can say that. Sometimes, I don't even think we realize how judgemental we are of others until we feel judged ourselves. When we hear the pastor preach on love, and then walk through the church to hear whispers and see cold looks . . . Something's terribly wrong.

1 John 4: 7-8 - Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God, and everyone who loves is born of God and knows god. He who does not love does not know God, for God is love.

I guess I just don't understand. When one loves Christ, really really loves Him, there should be an overflowing gratitude and passion to love others. Am I wrong for wondering what the problem is? How can those who refuse to walk in love, really walk with God? The Bible says it's not possible.

I will probably get in trouble with the church for writing this post. However, I don't write this in arrogance . . . I do write it in love, in high hopes that they will change their ways, for the sake of their fellow believers. I plead with the church not to take this the wrong way, as they did in my last one. I love the body of Christ. I hope the expression of my bleeding heart will be met in humility.

~Lauren Lee

P.S. . . . Here's a scary verse, I think all believers need to remember this!

Matthew 27: 41-45:
Then shall he say also unto them on the left hand, Depart from me, ye cursed, into the eternal fire which is prepared for the devil and his angels: 42for I was hungry, and ye did not give me to eat; I was thirsty, and ye gave me no drink; 43I was a stranger, and ye took me not in; naked, and ye clothed me not; sick, and in prison, and ye visited me not. 44Then shall they also answer, saying, Lord, when saw we thee hungry, or athirst, or a stranger, or naked, or sick, or in prison, and did not minister unto thee? 45Then shall he answer them, saying, Verily I say unto you, as ye did it not unto one of the least of these, ye did it not unto me.

Monday, July 12, 2010

I've gone head over heels . . . It's L.O.V.E. . .

I am in love.
That tingly sensation in the pit of your stomach that makes you want to shout it to the world? Yes. The beating of my heart when I hear his name? Yes. That wonderful and blessed plague of never being able to stop thinking about him?? Yes! The ache my heart gets when I'm away from him, even for a short time?? Yes!

Now, I have not found my dream boy. I've not yet come across the handsome tall stranger who will one day be my husband. ;) BUT. I'm so in love! I am anamored with my heavenly prince, Jesus Christ. This is what Christianity is all about. It's not about rules - it's not about laws - it's not about legalism or judgemental thinking or religion or conventional wisdom. It's about Christ. It's about having a beautiful, personal, intimate relationship with him who LOVES YOU!

Am I excited much?!

The Lord has been putting on my heart lately that he doesn't just want to be PART of my life . . . he wants to BE my life. Every waking moment, I should be completely enraptured with Him. Not because I have to, not because rules tell me to, but because I want to. Because He loves me.

Think of an earthly relationship you might have been in. Do you love the person because your forced to? You love your mother, best friend, brother, father, husband, sister, boyfriend, whichever, not with a love that is forced . . . . but a love that springs from within. This is how it is with Christ. I don't love him because I have to - because religion tells me to. I love him because he first loved me. He is everything, my life, my love, my all in all, and I am overflowing and overjoyed to think of it.

Because of this amazing love He has for me and I have for him in return, I am so willing to give up this world. Any books, any music, any magazines, anything, that takes me away from HIM, be gone. That would be really hard for me, if I didn't have Christ as my motivation.
You all don't know my secret addiction to secular music. ;)
It's really quite awful. But if there is something in your life you can't live without, it's an idol.

"Do not love the world or the things int he world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father but is of the world." ~1 john 2:15-16

Leslie Ludy put it this way . . . "Does God stand up and cheer over american Idol? Does he smile with delight over the new Harry Potter movie? Does he get excited about the latest coldplay album?"
Probably not, huh?

I can't picture Jesus taking the night off and relaxing with a bubble bath, Jay Sean on the radio, and eating twinkies. Can you?
I'm not saying that all these are a bad thing . . . I really really love bubble baths. I can see how this can be taken as legalistic. But a true love for the Lord will weed out pop culture, so that the devil can gain no access to our souls.

Remember, the devil is crafty and decietful. We think, "oh it's ok if I watch this or listen to this. After all, I don't agree with it . . . " You're giving the devil a foothold, even if it's not consiously.

Another thing to think about along these lines - we are the temple of God. Our bodies are were the holy spirit dwells. Think about the music you're pumping into his holy dwelling. Think about the images you're recieving into his presence. His very presence!

Horrified yet?
Be scared!

In the old testimate, when a high preist would go into the temple, he walked in with a rope tied around his waist. why? In case a sinful thought crossed his mind while in the presence of God. He would be struck dead. And someone would have to pull him out. Think of the seriousness the temple was treated with in the Old Testiment . . . . and think about the defilement we put it through, in modern times.

"For you are the temple of the living God. As God has said, "I will dwell in them and walk among them. I will be their God, and they shall be My people. Therefore come out from among them and be seperate" says the Lord. Do not touch what is unclean, and I will recieve you. ~2 Corinthians 6: 16-17


Give it all up. Love the Lord your God with everything in you. Live a life that is utterly engulfed in him. Every waking moment. Sound like a challenge? Remember: Matthew 7:14. Narrow is the way that leads to eternal life.
This is not a joy ride - it's a poured out existence for our savior!

John Piper once said that at an early age, as he was contemplating ministry, he decided to "live as he would have wished he had, once in heaven."
Yes, believe it or not, you can live without Jay Sean.

Instead of Lady Gaga, try spending time in the presence of Christ. Your love. Your life. Your everything. Let your heart pound in excitement as you prepare to meet him in quiet time . . . . be completely swept away by your heavenly prince.

This past week, I've given it up. This next week, I give it up. And the week after that. I long to be a pure and undefiled temple of God, and a beautiful bride of Christ.

You will be amazed at his love, and the intimacy of a relationship with him. Take time for your Prince, cleanse the temple.
Join me?

~Lauren Lee
Depart! Depart! Go our from there. Touch no unclean thing. Go out from the midst of her, be clean, you who bear the vessels of the Lord ~Isaiah 52:11

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Dear Best Friends . . .

My best friends live way too far away. Ohio, Pennslvania, Maryland, Iowa, Minnesota, Tennesee, Nevada, South Carolina, Alabama, Indiana . . . and I'm stuck here in California. But about a month ago, I was able to see all of them at a reunion in Lancaster, PA. :) So this blog post is devoted to you guys.

These are the friends who hugged me every time they saw me, made me laugh 'til my sides hurt, were there for me when I was in tears, the ones I knew were there through thick and thin.

You all are the ones I can tell everything to, turn to for anything, and know that there are kids who love me dearly. As my beautiful friend Emilyann says, "it's like having the best support group in the world."

Nico, Justin, Wilbur, Daniel, Myles, You guys were so funny. I mean, you had to be - after all, you made James smile! ;) But thanks for bringing so much fun to the gathering, I'll NEVER forget the laughter we all shared that week.

It's so hard that all of us live so far apart . . . But our friendships are the strongest that we've ever had. The heart grows fonder when it's apart from those it loves, and we all love each other a ton.

Nico loved my sunglasses. :P
Haha. Anyway. For me, ya'll are way more then friends just to have fun with. It's something much deeper than that.

It's about walking with your sisters in Christ, there to support and inspire each other. Girls you have been such an inspiration to me. :)

Elizabeth, Lauren, Valentine and Amanda, it was so amazing getting to know you both better. I miss you!

Ryan, well . . . What can I say? Besides the fact that I love you? That pretty much sums it up. ;)

And to my Emilies - Emilyann and Emily C., my best friends, my soul sisters, I'll never forget those little moments we had together that were so amazingly special. Counting down the days till I see you girls again.

Em, being in classes with you for four years, and getting to see you only a few times, never takes away from the friendship we have. It probably even makes it stronger. I'd love to see you EVERY DAY, bestie. But, a few days a year I guess will have to do. Come back next year. I miss you, girlie.

It's also great being around brothers in Christ who have your back - who'll step in if they see a problem. Respectful, fun, amazing young men who are such an encouragement and joy.

Wilbur and Myles - my own special J brothers ;) We seem to have more inside jokes then the entire school combined. You guys are amazing. (Wilbur you'll be more amazing when you COME BACK to Myles and me in two weeks ;) )

Next year . . . We're going to rock that talent show (maybe). :p Miss you guys, so much.

Oh and Nico.
You made my week. ;) Seeing how fun you were all year, and finally getting to meet you, was really great. You have one of the spunkiest personalities out there and I had a blast, getting to know you. Can't wait to see you next year!

We all share a bond that's so, so special. And I love each and every one of you. So thank you, for being my best friends. =) Leaving ya'll was one of the hardest things I've ever done. Everyone of you are still in my thoughts and prayers!


~Lauren Lee

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Fathers Day is Still On for Me :)

It's kinda hard for me, today. Everywhere I go, there are banners saying "make your dad happy! Buy him this or that for fathers day . . . " Or "don't forget, give your dad a hug today" . . . And it's difficult not being able to celebrate having a Dad in my own life. Today is the day that makes me wonder about him. I wonder what he's doing, what's going through his mind, if he's even thinking about me. Right now he's in a world all his own . . . A world that I'm not part of, anymore. So I want to say to you girls out there reading this - Don't take it for granted that you have a Father. Treasure this day, because you have the greatest privledge in being able to celebrate it. Not all girls can.

Embrace it when he's "embarrassing old dad" . . . Actually listen, when he talks to you. As kids we sometimes think we know it all. Don't forget that a godly father holds wisdom about things you don't know yet *gasp!*

I don't and probably will never have the chance that a lot of you girls have, to be loved and cherished by my dad. Even if you don't have the best relationship with him, try to mend that today. Do it, if for no other reason, for the knowledge that not all people have what you do.

Thankfully I'm not left to stare at those banners and advertisements without any sense of love in my life. My heavenly father is more than enough :) He continues to carry me through. He has also put amazing father figures in my life, who have been there in support for my family since the beginning. My sincere and heartfelt thanks and love to Mr. Murphy, Mr. Limon, Mr. Wood, Mr. Etter, and those who have come around me to say "I'm here for you" through words and actions. I've been greatly blessed by your presence in my life. Father's day is still on, for me :)

~Lauren Lee
"See how very greatly our Father loves us, for He calls us His children, and that is what we are!" ~1 John 3:1

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

What's in Your Something Box?

I love airports. I really do. And I was able to spend quite a bit of time in them last week, as I was blessed to travel back east to visit friends. I get such a kick out of people in airports. They look so . . . Stressed. As I sat eating lunch, there was a woman with a fussy newborn to my left, and an old guy who looks like he’s had a vacation-gone-wrong on my right. Everyone, reguardless of who they are, seem to have problems with one thing or the other - It seemed like they were stuck.
Stuck in a box of .... something.

At my connecting flight in Houston, I had a VERY long layover. Desperately attempting to pass the time, I waddled quite naturally into a bookstore nearest my gate. I saw books on love, books on hate . . . books on yoga, books on dieting. Books on, "how to find your life calling" and "how to find the NEW you!" It seemed like everywhere I turned, were books that told people how to get out of their something box. Something being, their looks, their weight . . . . Their obnoxious boyfriends, their jealous girlfriends, their bad childhood, their rebellious children, their defective marriages. These boxes of somethings had kept these people chained to a certain problem in their life, and for some reason, they can't get out. They'll go to self-help books to try to find answers . . . But the reality is,

They're trapped.
In a box.
It's been sealed, and there's no way out.
They are literally bondservants to Satan. Jesus said in John 8:34: "Everyone who sins IS a slave to sin." They can wiggle and squirm, and try to do it themselves, but the reality is that they're stuck. Helpless to conquer their something.

It is a dire situation. Sin is not a small matter. Often times we downsize it, so that we feel better about ourselves. Oh, sin. It's just human nature, right? It doesn't seem like such a big deal. Nobody's perfect. God accepts us as we are. Yes?
Sin. A three letter word.
The most powerful force existing outside of the God's love.
Really think about that for a minute.
It is deadly, and draws people in with the most deceitful and cunning tactics. It is something to be terribly feared, because it will ensnare us in a box, faster than we think - and there's absolutely no hope of us saving ourselves.

Someone else has to be our hero, our savior, our liberator.

"But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin, you wholeheartedly obeyed the form of teaching to which you were entrusted. You have been SET FREE from sin and have become slaves to righteousness." ~Romans 6:17-18

The freedom found in Christ enables us to reject sin, and embrace righteousness. Once He becomes Lord of our life, our something disappears.

We're free in His grace. :) Thank goodness for His love.

~Lauren Lee
"But now that you have been set free from sin and have becomes slaves to God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life."

Saturday, May 15, 2010

An Afternoon With the Mad Crafters!

Yesterday was most lovely! We met with some of our dear friends to make candles . . . and had a marvelous time. I've had requests to post the pictures here on my blog, so here they are! :)

We had to start out by chopping up the cow fat. Yes. Cow fat. It was not so delightful to smell, I have to say . . . It was pretty stinky!

Aren't our Mommies beautiful? My Mom said to Mrs. Coarse as they were chopping, "girl, you handle that fat well!" I'm not sure she quite heard how wrongly that came out. ;)

Yes - Very stinky. Tiffany's face says it all!

Next, we had to put the stinkiness into these tin cans . . . and melt it. Let the candle making begin!

Lilly and Liberty. They are such dears! Look at them in those little aprons!

Thankfully, we added a vanilla scent to it once it started melting down. It was no longer stinky!! In fact, it smelled rather nice.

Thank goodness for Tinker Toys! Remember those from little kid days?? We used them to tie the candle wicks around in order that it might be easier to dip them in the wax.

Here's Lillie's wick!

Our candles each turned out very . . . uniquely. To say the least. Mica's was rather . . . . Chubby. ;)

Mrs. Limon had a brilliant idea to hang the candles on the rose bushes to dry.

Here's some pictures of the kids (and grown ups!) having some fun:

A very fun time!

Hope ya'll are having a wonderful weekend.

~Lauren Lee =)

Monday, May 10, 2010

Oh Yes . . . He Can Have "That Look", Too!

I've often (attempted to) hold a staring contest with my sister. Whoever smiles first, loses.
I always lose.
She can crack me up without even trying. It's that look. It's some mysterious little giggle-prompter she's been blessed with or something - But no matter what I do, I can't keep a straight face!

The last month has been hard. I'll be honest. Between problems with my Dad, problems with my friends, problems with a friend's family, and problems that I have yet to pinpoint . . . my life has been a whirlwind. As you could tell from a couple posts ago, quite a few emotions have been stirring about in my heart. But no matter what my mood is . . . I can sometimes see God peeping around the corner with "that" look on his face. The look that can crack you up. The look that can cheer you even when you're at the bottom.
The same look Tay gives me, that I can't stay serious with for the life of me!

God definitely has a sense of humor. :) It catches me off guard, and adds fun to my life in those times when there would be . . . none. I read a cute story on a blog the other day, here it is:

Dwight Nelson recently told a true story about the pastor of his church. He had a kitten that climbed up a tree in his backyard and then was afraid to come down. The pastor coaxed, offered warm milk, etc., but the kitty would not come down. The tree was not sturdy enough to climb, so the pastor decided that if he tied a rope to his car and pulled it until the tree bent down, he could then reach up and get the kitten.

And that’s what he did, all the while checking his progress in the car. He then figured if he went just a little bit further, the tree would be bent sufficiently for him to reach the kitten.

Unfortunately, as he moved the car a little further forward, the rope broke. The tree went “boing!” and the kitten instantly sailed through the air and out of sight!

The pastor felt terrible! He walked all over the neighborhood asking people if they’d seen a little kitten. Nobody had spotted the poor little guy, so the pastor prayed, “Lord, I just commit this kitten to your keeping,” and went on about his business.

A few days later he was at the grocery store, and met one of his church members. He happened to look into her shopping cart and was amazed to see cat food … the woman was a cat hater and everyone knew it, so he asked her, “Why are you buying cat food when you hate cats so much?”

The woman replied, “You won’t believe this,” and then told him how her little girl had been begging her for a cat, but she kept refusing. Then a few days before, the child had begged again, so the woman finally told her, “Well, if God gives you a cat, I’ll let you keep it.”

She told the pastor, “I watched my child go out in the yard, get down on her knees, and ask God for a cat. And really, Pastor, you won’t believe this, but I saw it with my own eyes. A kitten suddenly came flying out of the blue sky, with its paws outspread, and landed right in front of her!”

Never underestimate the power of God and His unique sense of humor!

He really does have such a fun sense of humor . . . . I see it in my own life all the time. Isn't it fun how God is interested in such little things of life?? I love how personal He is!

Who said the Christian life was boring?! It can be a real crack-up sometimes. Pay attention . . . and you just might see "that" look on God's face. :)

~Lauren Lee

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