Saturday, September 11, 2010

Behind This Evil Wall

I cannot say how deeply moved I was by this poem. Not long after I wrote my last post, "scared to love", my friend Kristie posted this original work on her blog. It is a beautiful rendition of what I tried so hard to articulate.

If you haven't read my last post, go ahead and do so - I think it will help all this make sense. :)

As I read her poem, I suddenly felt ... a deeper understanding of that strange darkness, which has surreptitiously made it's way into my heart. I've built a wall - and I haven't even realized it. I don't want to be hurt, so I'm blocking out everything.

This poem really helped me realize that "safety is only perception" when you try to build your own wall - and the consequences of where that leads. Although I'm sure I do not feel the depth of despair shown in this poem, it definitely helps illustrate what I mean.

Thank you, Kristie!

My mind is a prison
In which I live
I can’t get out and no one can get in
Thick cold walls keep me contained
Inside my mind where there is only pain
I have worked night and day for years and years
To build this wall and success has come,
With a cost I could not have fathomed

With thick cold walls
Blocking out the light
In my mind it is always night
Darkness reins inside my mind
Where the thoughts race like light
Trying to escape the wall trying in vain to penetrate
The wall built so carefully in my brain

I will not be hurt ever again
This giant wall keeps everything in
Nothing can get in or out of my brain
My mind is fragile, so brick by brick
I built the wall to keep me safe
But once inside, I realized safety is only perception
Danger was programmed inside before my inception

Confined within my mind I am blind
My tears go unnoticed, without a trace
They are inward tears from trying to race
Against time and people who want me to hurt
Now I am within feeling numb and alone

Please take a boulder to break this stone
I have built around me and I need to be free
Something frightening is clawing inside of me ...

Find Kristie's poems at her blog, "Just Me":

1 comment:

Just Me said...

Wow! Thank you for using my poem. I was not well in September and just realized you had asked to borrow this. I am glad you were able to relate. Thanks so much for following my blog. I appreciate it very much. :)

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