Behind This Evil Wall

I cannot say how deeply moved I was by this poem. Not long after I wrote my last post, "scared to love", my friend Kristie posted this original work on her blog. It is a beautiful rendition of what I tried so hard to articulate.

If you haven't read my last post, go ahead and do so - I think it will help all this make sense. :)

As I read her poem, I suddenly felt ... a deeper understanding of that strange darkness, which has surreptitiously made it's way into my heart. I've built a wall - and I haven't even realized it. I don't want to be hurt, so I'm blocking out everything.

This poem really helped me realize that "safety is only perception" when you try to build your own wall - and the consequences of where that leads. Although I'm sure I do not feel the depth of despair shown in this poem, it definitely helps illustrate what I mean.

Thank you, Kristie!

My mind is a prison

In which I live

I can’t get out and no one can get in

Thick cold walls keep me contained

Inside my mind where there is only pain

I have worked night and day for years and years

To build this wall and success has come,

With a cost I could not have fathomed

With thick cold walls

Blocking out the light

In my mind it is always night

Darkness reins inside my mind

Where the thoughts race like light

Trying to escape the wall trying in vain to penetrate

The wall built so carefully in my brain

I will not be hurt ever again

This giant wall keeps everything in

Nothing can get in or out of my brain

My mind is fragile, so brick by brick

I built the wall to keep me safe

But once inside, I realized safety is only perception

Danger was programmed inside before my inception

Confined within my mind I am blind

My tears go unnoticed, without a trace

They are inward tears from trying to race

Against time and people who want me to hurt

Now I am within feeling numb and alone

Please take a boulder to break this stone

I have built around me and I need to be free

Something frightening is clawing inside of me ...

Find Kristie's poems at her blog, "Just Me": http://special-k611.blogspot.com/2010/09/wall.html