Friday, February 26, 2010

Impressing God

There's nothing in the world that quite compares to impressing your father. And there's nothing the world, that quite compares to disappointing him. Before Dad left, it seemed to be vital to my existance that I impressed him. If I didn't, I felt like I didn't have his love.
So, I buried my head in my textbooks, determaned to make straight As. All in hope - that when I announced "100%!!!" on my exam, he would love me.
I worked hard on my speeches, so that when he took me to debate club, he could be proud to say, "that's my daughter."
I joined the Inland Valley Orchestra at the young age of 13, so that when he saw me up there with all the other adult musicians, he would be impressed.
I did Ballet at the studio 6 days a week for hours each day, year after year, desperately attempting to earn his affection. But it never worked . . . and I didn't understand. I worked so hard for him, and yet I still felt the pain of disapproval whenever I failed. He just . . . Didn't love me. Although I understand now, in hindsight, that he is a lost man who cannot love until he finds redemption in Christ - my young spirit couldn't comprehend it. I suffered, deeply.

How relieving it now is, that I have a Father who doesn't need to be impressed, to love me. In fact, I can't impress him! Even if I try! No matter my good works, or worldly accomplishments, I do nothing that compares to the greatness of God. He knows it, too - and He accepts me as I am.

"Alright. This is downright weird. Look at you. You're chubby, and bald. You've barely opened those blue eyes, and you're already crying and screaming. You can't do anything - you're just a little ball of blubber. You haven't even spoken yet. But yet - I'd give my life, for you! I'd sacrifice anything, for you! You're . . . You're my son!" The youth pastor spoke those words to his newly born son . . . Looking at the round, innocent face, gurggling and sputtering up at him.

"Babies are useless," Mr. Simons told us kids during one sermon. "But for some reason, I still love my son, even though he hasn't done anything for me. If I feel this way about my him, how much more, does God feel for us?!"

Love is such a strange phenomenon! And yet, love is something God has in abundance.

Isaiah 64:6 says, "... all our righteousness is as filthy rags." No matter what I do, my righteousness is nothing without Christ. It is all counted as loss for the love of our Savior, as Paul says in Phillipians 3:7-8:

"But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ."

I no longer feel compelled to serve out of fear that I will be rejected - instead, I am now free to serve with a heart of joy! Even when I fail - He loves me. Even when I mess up - he loves me. Even if I don't get 100 on that exam, he still loves me!

This is a truly awesome thing about our God. Salvation is based on grace alone - not by what I do, to earn my way. His love isn't conditioned upon my success . . . Because success is impossible when compared with the His holy standard. He is a truly loving Father! :)

~Lauren Lee

An Idea For Mr. Simons:
Perhaps if he bought the "Baby Mop", his son wouldn't be so "useless" as he says . . . haha!


HIS daughter said...

Wow girl. Thanks so much for sharing your heart! What a joy to have a Heavenly Father that loves us unconditionally!
Thanks for following my blog :)

Elizabeth J. said...

The "baby mop" was too funny. However, your post was touching and I cannot image the rejection you must feel. Praying for you!

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