Hello, world. I'm back. :) After an extended vacation ... not really of my own choice, though. So many things started happening in my life, that I couldn't really take the time to sit down and blog. So, forgive me. Hopefully though, I won't have to take any more "breaks".
Today I am talking about a very sore spot. And ya'll get to hear about it. :) Sometimes, I think I should've started this blog as an anonymous writer, haha ... that way, I could REALLY say anything I wanted. But no, my name, Lauren Lee, is right there for the world to see. And, that would kind of defeat the purpose of this blog entry, anyway. To write anonymously would be to hide.
And yes, I would be ok with that. I like to hide ... it's what I do.
There will be people who read this and judge. And, that's fine. I can't control what people think. But. Quite frankly, you do it to. We all do. People hide in all sorts of ways ... they'll hide their sin, their viewpoints, their hearts. They hide who they truly are.
The way that I hide: I refuse to love.
This summer, somehow, I've .... forgotten how to love.
There's nothing more that I like than to be alone. I've learned to really dislike the world, these past couple years. With all that's happened with my dad, my church, a person I loved, some of my best friends ... I hide my heart. I don't want to get hurt again. So I distance myself from people that I love, because I'm suddenly afraid that they'll disappear. It's selfish, but hey. I've been burned too many times - I'm not going to put my hand in that fire again.
Am I alone in this? People? Talk to me.
Please don't get me wrong, I enjoy people. Ask any of my friends and they'll tell you I'm a crazy extroverted social butterfly. I love making people smile, making them laugh, and bringing fun to their lives. I like being there for people when they're going through something tough, because I know how it is.
But, every time we go through "that fire"; An abusive dad, a bad childhood, a broken heart, a death of someone dear, ect., we get burned. And suddenly, our entire life perspectives are changed. Everything is suddenly about protecting that wound.
Should it be?
No. It shouldn't.
"It", meaning, "your life", needs to be about Christ.
And that's part of the reason I'm blogging about this. I need to EXPOSE where my wound is, and not hide it anymore.
This is where I am.
Now you know.
The devil is at work in my heart, I think. He works through suffering, just like God can work through suffering. He can sneak his little self into a situation and turn around your life's purpose - deflect it from Christ onto YOUR feelings and YOUR heart. Protecting YOURSELF. I'll admit - the Devil's got a foothold on me, right now.
And it's darn scary.
No one can save mankind from his grasp except the one thing more powerful than him in this universe - God's love.
So I cry out to Him asking him to heal this wound. Take it away, Father. Wrap me in your arms and tell me ....
It's ok to love. Don't be afraid.... So what if you get burned? This world won't last forever. You're heaven bound, girlfriend.
Take that risk, and love again.
~Lauren Lee
