Girls Can Be Mean

I always like reading goofy stories from the satire magazine, "The Onion." They have the wackiest posts! My all time favorite was one about Al Gore sending his son to mars because of global warming. But this one is pretty good, too:

GLENDALE, CA—Expressing a desire to "slow things down and keep it casual," Troy Lanier, 28, said Monday that his friendship with Scott Perotta, 27, is moving way too fast. "[Scott]'s a nice enough guy, but I've only known him for, like, five weeks, and he already acts like we're best friends," said Lanier, a Glendale-area insurance adjuster. "I wish I had stronger feelings for him, but I don't. I just don't know where I want this friendship to go, and I need the space to figure it all out."

Seen as a potentially good match based on their shared love of martial-arts films, Lanier and Perotta were introduced by a mutual friend in early January.

Lanier said he has been reluctant to give Perotta his e-mail address, fearing it will only accelerate the friendship."I just know he'd be e-mailing me every day," Lanier said. "He's always talking about these funny things he sees on the Internet. I've been thinking about setting up a special Yahoo! account and giving him that address with the caveat that I only check it once in a while, but that seems like an awful lot of effort to deal with someone I barely know."

Lanier has also taken exception to Perotta's habit of referring to him by nicknames. "He's always calling me things like 'Laney' or 'Troy-Boy,'" Lanier said. "My old high-school friends and I have nicknames for each other, but that's different. Until we've known each other a while, I'd prefer to be called Troy—or, at worst, Lanier."

Dr. Karen Franks, a Cornell University sociologist, said Lanier's predicament is not unusual. "People make friends at different speeds," Franks said. "The key is to be honest and firm with people who try to take things too fast. Troy and Scott may end up being best friends someday, but until then, they should proceed at a rate comfortable for them both. If they don't, things will burn out, leaving one of them spending months awkwardly trying to get back his Jet Li DVDs."

What's so hilarious about this post is that . . . it's true. Sometimes, we're way too quick to label someone as our "Best Friend." The result is depressing . . . Hurt feelings and burn-out. To quote my Mom, "you really can't know someone, truly, until you've known them for a long time." It's completely true.

A lot of "friends" are quick to reveal their true selves at the first appearance of hardship or change. Wait - but he/she was my best friend! How could they do this to me? ....You probably didn't know them. The problem is that we naturally have high expectations for people. We expect them to stick around, we expect them to have our back. And then . . . They don't??

I've made this mistake so many times! My Mom is so wise, and we had the best conversation just the other day. She told me to consider it seriously before investing emotionally in a friendship, or calling someone my "best friend." Diving in headfirst can lead to a lot of hurt. The fact has always been that girls can be mean . . . It really stinks, especially when you think they were there for you.

Lesson of the day: Save yourself the pain of let-down expectations. Don't just go around calling friends you're still getting to know your "best friends." Get to know them, first! :)

~Lauren Lee Fischer